..:: Perfect In Weakness ::..

How can you look at me
When I can't stand myself?

~Flyleaf

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I count all my calories like always

but I feel like the labels are lying to me.

I don't know why.

Just stepping further into insanity I guess.

I know I'm back on track though. 

I know I'm back on track

because the dreams are coming back.

Did I ever mention those?

I hate them.

I hate hate hate them.

But I can't help but love them

because they're proof that

I'm empty,

starving.

And I love it.

Atelophobia:

The fear of imperfection or not being enough.

Even though I'm starting

to get my shit together again,

I haven't stepped on the scale.

I know I should,

and everytime I pass the room

I stop in front of it and

argue with Ana about getting on it or not.

Part of me knows it's because

I'm still scared that I gained

weight from the binges.

Part of me (Ana) tells me

to get the fuck on the scale

and be forced to deal with it.

Yeah...

I'll probably end up weighing myself in the morning.

Anyways,

 

I've been keeping my intake under 200 cals,

and started working out more regularly.

I'm going to stick with it.

No binging.

Oh, and I want to thank all of you

for the lovely comments. [:

Hope you all are doing well.

Stay strong.<3