..:: Alive Again ::..

I walk around like I'm

alive again,

But I know it's just not the same.

~Marianas Trench

I'm sorry I haven't been posting as

frequently as I used to.

I've been isolating myself.

I've been shutting down

physically, emotionally, mentally.

I've been stuck in this same fucking rut,

And I'm scared I'll never be able to get out.

Anyways, I wanted to post

not to complain about my

current state of depression,

but to clear some things up.

I know in the side bar I

have my e-mail and offer support,

but some of the e-mails I get worry me,

and I want to clarify on what I meant

by support.

I am not "pro-ana".

The purpose of this blog was not

to promote eating disorders in any way.

By support I meant

I can be a shoulder to cry on,

I can be someone starving along next to you,

or someone to simply vent to,

because sadly I'm very much better

at helping other people with their problems

than I am with my own,

and I wanted to offer friendship

to anyone who feels alone.

However, I did not mean

that I would give "tips" or "tricks"

on how to get in the same rut that I'm stuck in.

I'm not trying to encourage wannarexics.

I'm not trying to glorify eating disorders in any way.

I'm only in high school, and I've

already been with

Ana for a couple years now.

I made this blog so I could be honest

about anything and everything

that is Ana.

I feel like I can't tell any one

in my everyday life,

so I made a blog

in hopes to meet people going through

the same struggles as me.

So I apologize if I

sent mixed signals

or if there was any confusion

on where I stand in this

online community.

I will gladly help anyone with

their Ana troubles.

But I do not want to be

responsible for getting someone

into the same state.

Again, I'm truly sorry if I gave

anyone the wrong idea.

And I'm sorry if this post came out

harsh, but I just wanted to

be as clear as I can

because I feel simply awful about

the mixed signals I've been sending.