Got a feeling in my stomach, and it just won't quit.
It's subtle as a shotgun; Heavy as a brick.
It's subtle as a shotgun; Heavy as a brick.
~Bring Me The Horizon
This morning I was lying in my bed,
clutching my stomach,
hating myself,
praying that I didn't gain more than two pounds.
Why?
Well, Friday when my friend slept over,
She came over late enough that it wasn't
abnormal for me to already be "full" from dinner,
So I got away with 145 cals that day.
Saturday was what killed me.
My friend goes home in the morning,
and my mom tells me we're going to a restaurant.
Now, that's bad enough.
I can't stand restaurants;
I need to know exact numbers.
(OCD? Check.)
Even worse: it's an Italian restaurant,
and we're celebrating one of our family member's birthday,
so there's gonna be cake.
(Ultimate weaknesses? Check.)
I skip breakfast and lunch, look up the menu online,
Oh wait, they didn't have one.
That day just went to hell.
We get there at 4:30 and
I had
and
Once I started, I couldn't stop.
I don't even want to think about the
number of calories that was.
Thursday.
Scale reads: 130
Calories: 353
Friday.
Scale reads: 130
Calories: 145
Saturday.
Scale reads: 130
Calories: Shameful Binge.
(Self-loathing? Check.)
This morning.
Scale reads: 130.5
Calories: 270 - I already planned it out.
I can never fast on weekends with family around,
But I'm gonna try to start another fast tomorrow
and see how long I can go this week.
I will redeem myself.
P.S. Just Curious;
What are your absolute limits for calories per day?
If I go over 500 I'm hating myself, 1000... almost said 'it's worse than you know' >.< you probably do know
ReplyDelete1000 = exercise purging even if I threw up
1000 = cutting
1000 = boiling water and freezing water
so I guess 1000 is my limit, I hatehatehate that number.
I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI know, Weekends can go straight to hell. XD
Sounds like you didn't gain anything, so I'm sure you're just fine.
My absolute limit is 500. I hate even getting up to there, but if I have to, I will. <3
stay superstrong <3
-Molly
I hate weekends, its so hard not to mess up. I know how you feel, just stay strong and keep on going!
ReplyDeleteMy absolute limit is definately 800 cals. If I get over that, I would feel like killing myself! Exspecially since I am supposed to be on a fast.
Oh and,
I am looking for an Ana buddy, but my computer wouldn't open up Windows Mail so I can email you. Do you have msn messenger?
Well I wish you the best of luck! <3
im sorry about ur wkd hun but hey u didnt gain so thats a good thing
ReplyDeletei let msyelf have up to 1000 but i hate going over 600 so i try to stay under 600 the best i cant but tis hard for me with the boyfriend and all
Sucks about eating out, but you only gained .5, so that's pretty good! I've started letting myself go up to 1000 cals on weekends, so I don't binge, but I still feel like a fata$$ if I go over 500....
ReplyDeletexoxox
ugh i know weekends are miserable and so is having family around, it seems like eating is so hard to avoid. at least you didnt gain thats really good! i try to get 2-4 days a week in the negative cals and the others around 500. if i binge thanks to the bf or family then i try to make up for it by adding another negative cal day
ReplyDeleteim glad u didnt gain much
ReplyDelete.5 lb is easily off
ur doing great
im wishing u a quick and easy fast/week :)
-happiness <3