..:: The Swarm ::..

And I stand on shaken ground,
 the earth moves beneath my feet.
 And I shout “forgive me,”
but there’s no God listening.
 And these walls surround us,
 always black and grays I see.
 And we found this time
 on our weakness it will feed.

~You Me At Six

I'm literally ashamed of how infrequent

my posts on here are.

Especially when I don't really have anything

worthwhile or good to report.

I haven't been able to get out of bed most days,

and yesterday I had a panic attack,

realizing I didn't want to waste my youth laying in bed,

crying about things I can't explain.

So I went for a run, and played outside with my brother.

It was lovely.

I want to try and do something outside for

at least two hours a day, since

the weather is finally nice again.

Onto the more important~~~

I've been liquid fasting.

My definition of this has changed,

and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

When I'm liquid fasting, I allow

calories in my drinks.

This is because it makes me feel

more full than just water,

and as embarrassing, and as much as I hate to say it,

I'm still not on my A-game, so I need

a bit of something to get me through the day.

Hopefully, I'll be able to go back to 0 calories,

all day.

I remember when 200 calories used to be my limit,

and I crave the self-control I once had.

It's going to take some more time,

but I will get it back.

So the plan for now is have days like these:

1. Liquids only ~ liquid calories uncounted.

or

2. Food limit: 500 at most, aim for 200 or less,

liquid calories counted.

Also, I've decided I'm going to exercise at the gym

the exact amount of minutes that I weigh.

(As in 1 pound = 1 minute)

AT LEAST.

This is the plan,

and I know if I just keep my head in the right place,

it'll be relatively simple.

Lastly, as I mentioned in my last post,

I got a twitter account (@harshxreality)

in case any of you are interested in following,

or checking it out.

I use it pretty often, and looking at it throughout

a day usually helps me stay on track.

I'll try to post soon,

with hopefully something more interesting to share.

Good Luck, Stay Strong,

hope all of you lovelies are doing alright x