You can scream out loud,
But your panic falls on deaf ears.
This is where you've brought yourself,
And this is what you've always feared.
There's a faceless crowd, with no sympathy.
So you can scream out loud,
But there's no one listening.
But your panic falls on deaf ears.
This is where you've brought yourself,
And this is what you've always feared.
There's a faceless crowd, with no sympathy.
So you can scream out loud,
But there's no one listening.
~Framing Hanley
That about sums up how I feel right now.
Anyways, I found a picture I took of my stomach
when I was 126.5.
Disgusting.
I do weird shit like this all the time.
But it helps. I know it's there.
Thinking is so time consuming lately.
I've been thinking about obsessing over everything.
One thing that's been bothering me is my boyfriend.
He's so sweet and nice and innocent.
And he's so fucking good to me that it's
pathetic I'm taking it for granted.
I avoid hanging out with him because
I want to avoid eating with him.
I want to avoid him touching me
because I am disgusting.
I don't want him to find out how truely disgusting I am.
I don't want to ruin his goodness with my awfulness.
"You could be the best of me, when I'm the worst for you."
I know I'm selfish in every sense of the word.
I want to keep him, but I want to keep him at a distance.
I don't even know.
I over-think things too much.
On a different note,
I picked up this book called Thinner Than Thou.
Have any of you ever read it?
no ihavent read that tahs shocking cause i read alot i will have to check it out
ReplyDeleteIm jealouuuss.......you have a flat stomach.
ReplyDeleteUmm..i don't think you're being selfish. I feel the same way when im around my boyfriend too.. I dont want him putting his arms around my waist..makes me feel very uncomfortable..
Stay strong :)
-r
you have a tiny stomach!! *jealous*
ReplyDeletefuck, ive been jealous of everyone recently. :P
and boys dont seem to notice all the things we do. please dont lose him because of this.
stay lovely, my darling. <3
I am the same way.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby has actually stopped coming anywhere near me, since I'm always telling him not to touch my fat. And since I consider my entire being to be fat... Well. He doesn't touch me.
I personally have no problem with this, but apparently it's not normal.
It's not selfish, I think it's just the way we are. We are conscious of the extra fat hanging off us, so OBVIOUSLY we don't want people to be touching/looking at it.
Your stomach was great at 126 (:
ReplyDeleteI bet it looks even better now!
Good luck!
youre so lucky to have a flat stomach at 126 no wonder that boy wants to touch you!
ReplyDeleteI think Sofia said it all: "Boys don't seem to notice all the things we do. please dont lose him because of this."
ReplyDeleteI've been hurt before in such a way that the idea of letting guys touch me was physically sickening, but as humans, we also crave that contact. After some time with my ex, I forced myself to open up to him. I told him about what had happened and why I am the way I am. His understanding where I was coming from helped him to help me. And eventually, it didn't even take that long. It was okay. I trusted him. He could touch me. Even if no one else could. But in a relationship, THAT'S what's important.
Don't let him slip away. Let him help you. Let him teach you. Let yourself learn to trust him. Let him in. Remember, "Boys don't seem to notice all the things we do", use that to your advantage. Don't feel like you need to change to be better for him. Don't feel like you have to lose weight for him. Do it for yourself, and let him be a safe zone. Someone to remind you that you're beautiful even if you can't see it. You don't have to believe it, but it's always nice to hear.
You have a new follower <3