Everyone's looking at me.
I'm running around in circles, baby.
A quiet desperation's building higher,
I've got to remember this is just a game.
I'm running around in circles, baby.
A quiet desperation's building higher,
I've got to remember this is just a game.
~30 Seconds To Mars
People are starting to notice.
My Dad keeps making comments
about how I rarely eat.
He says, "You're already
a stick, stop being ridiculous."
He even gets angry when
I disagree or shrug it off.
Everytime my Mom hugs me,
she runs her hand up my spine,
counting my vertebrae outloud.
She offers to order pizza more often
then we've ever had it before.
She asks me to list everything I've
eaten each day, and asks the same
question that I always refuse to answer.
"Honestly, how much weight have you lost?"
My friends make comments about
my now protruding collar bones,
and roll their eyes when I pass
on getting a snack for the movies.
Was I really that fat before?
Is losing 17.5 pounds really that obvious?
If so, then when the hell did my eyes stop working correctly?
And when I start thinking like this,
that's when I can hear her voice in my head.
"If they're honestly going to be this overdramatic,
Lets really give them something to talk about."
Is that what I really want?
Do I really want people knowing?
This whole time I've wanted to keep her a secret.
My secret to keep.
But Ana has me so tightly wrapped around
her bony little finger,
I need to get to where she wants me.
And I'll do whatever it takes.
i often wonder what it is that blinded me when i was overweight.
ReplyDeletebut you started where i am now. and i suppose once you go from normal to... less normal. it is more obvious, or so i would hope.
i hope these people stop pestering you.
stay strong. <3
Yes, I started at a tiny lower weight as you and now that I've lost those, let's say, 18 lbs, people have started noticing; I so agree with Sofia's comment right above mine- what is it that blinds us when we're overweight? I never realized how much fat I actually carried around... and now that we want to lose even more weight, I'm terrified of people whispering behind my back or saying something different than words of admiration... I guess this is something we'll always have to be prepared for (yet I have no idea how to deal with it once the moment comes).
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you, love...
Lu.
i hate when ppl start to notice everyday at work i ge trthe ur so skinny comment and im not even that small nemore im tying to lose the weight i gained form my 2 week recovery and then get back to 95 lbs what will they think then ugh ppl
ReplyDeletestay strong
I hate when the comments start to go from 'wow you have lost weight, you look great' to 'you look sick'
ReplyDeletehappy christmas ;*
ReplyDeleteur blog is amazing and interesting ; )
more!
if U want follow me and write comment ;**
isn´t it weird that when you don´t eat they offer to get pizza and other junk all the time. they try to stuff ice cream and other shit in you. if they want you to eat more then why don´t they offer you something you might actually eat, like salad or fruits? i was just wondering... :)
ReplyDelete